Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
