What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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