What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
