Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
