I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
