Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
