Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
