why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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