Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
