ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
