Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
