I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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