At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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