Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
