Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
