Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
