do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
