Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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