My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
