I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
