Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
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