you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
