I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
