I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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