Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
