forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
