I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
