At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
