Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
