I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
