i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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