It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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