TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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