i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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