When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
