i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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