If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
