i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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