My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
