Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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