There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
