I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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