dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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