Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
