its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
