think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
