peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
