I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She bit a glass in half.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
