1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
