i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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